Up On The Inside


If anyone wants my television it’s sitting at the end of my driveway, just have it. I threw it out the other day in disgust when all this non-stop Michael Jackson coverage started. When it started I thought, ‘oh fuck my TV is broken, better listen to the radio’, but it was all over the radio too, like a virus. So I phoned Argos where I bought the TV to complain, I said ‘what the hell is up with my telly its spewing this nonsense, non-stop?’

‘Yes sir, that’s the news. It’s not the TV’s fault’.

‘Really? But what if aliens are monitoring our transmissions here on earth? They’ll think we’re all idiots. I could be stuck here forever!’ Yes, I don’t have many friends.

Seriously though, in one hour of CNN there was exactly fifty minutes of Michael Jackson coverage, as if the world had just stopped. One minute there’s non-stop coverage about how fucked the economy is or the trouble in Iraq and Iran, and then just like that an ‘entertainer’ dies and suddenly it’s like JFK times ten. As a comparison when Hendrix died, admittedly nearly forty years ago, the headlines read ‘controversial guitarist snuffs it; probably drugs; serves him right; let’s move on’. And that’s Jimi Hendrix. Yer actual Jimi Hendrix.

Some people might say that I am unsympathetic or that I just don’t like MJ. That’s just not true, I like the music of lots of controversial artists. For example I regularly listen to Gary Glitter’s greatest hits. Don’t worry, I downloaded it illegally. No, It’s simply that I seem to be the only one actually worried about the death of Michael Jackson. And no, it’s not about who gets to keep his kids or the chimpanzee, or owns the songs. I’m worried about him returning from beyond the grave, and dancing, zombie-like with some other zombies in a large choreographed dance number. Terrifying if true. Funny old world isn’t it, one minute you’re the slightly creepy king of pop, and the next minute you’re a slightly creepy zombie. I wonder who owns The Beatles back catalogue now?

We almost cancelled our appearance at the Insider Festival because of the untimely death of Michael Jackson. We were just too upset. At first I refused to go on stage, but the guys convinced me by saying we would do an impromptu cover of ‘I Want You Back’, which I was determined to do, and may still yet. But it was a trick of course. They had no intention, the sons of bitches. But we did go on and played probably our longest festival set this year, so far, about an hour and a half. We’re really enjoying all these festivals.

We have a few weeks off before our next gig at The Wickerman Festival, but will we be resting? Hell no! We will be in the studio working on new material, no such thing as down time for us. These ska tunes don’t write themselves you know. Just about though.

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